Safe in hiding, is how I used to feel. But again what’s safety if your life is all but hidden away?
I held no ties whatsoever, cold as it got I wore no socks, and never twice had my shirts tucked in for a female but mother. I still miss those first days of schooling when she’d insist on escorting me to where we’d both agree was safer to place my head each night as I lay drained, inebriated and in about a sudden whiff of time – passed out, from reading all those textbooks she’d had bought me each coming term. The last time that happened – Us, deciding about where I’d place my feet) was about marauders, I recant. Part of the bed I’d chosen had half of it’s top exposed to the window. I needed the slanting view of the stars since I’d just promised this girl I liked to never leave again, and her the same. Life was good, to be succinct. Mum on the other hand was worried sick, that an owl might eat away my nose as I slept (Sorry for mentioning it Ma) and for years that seemed to work. Never once tho did I let consequences as such defy my paths … I mean, I once drunk past that sour bit of the yoghurt where anyone from Ankole is bound to walk over the counter, beat up the waitress who served it, and perhaps hold leverage over 25% of the entire yoghurt earnings the company makes for a ranging period of 4-7 years depending on how long your game face would last — I have no idea where I’m going with this, but it was so, then … long as one could manage a fellow that knew a guy who knew a guy that’d heard of a guy who had a mate in the army for a drinking buddy, or at the very least owned a copy of their business card, I’m telling you, it was that kind of town, and it was those lesser fortunate days when I knew no such a guy.
You see, defying fashion has aways been a thing of mine. I derive most of my jokes this way. It’s a horrible way to live but we do it nonetheless. It’s more of how this creativity all comes about actually. I see a nice girl forinstance, I’ll run in the opposite direction ..not because I’m proud, or scared. No. I just choose to hide cause I’ve been a cross that bridge and it ain’t pretty laying there, watching everybody pass you by happily as they all seem to have forgotten someone once died there. I choose to hide ergo because it makes me feel safe knowing I wont get crucified. Now to answer my question; Safety is not something you reach out for, or call out to, or even hide away to achieve. Safety is a myth. None of this is wrote. I made it up. I never actually read any of those 13 textbooks Mum bought me. I once lost a Chemistry one to the school Library I’ve chosen to not disclose. Hooray! But still, I admit I sold a couple for cassava and status. Most however just rotted away beneath my case grinding on a fine mix of sugar and OMO crystals, rendering the entire loss of a chemistry book oddly hurtful. Nerds weren’t cool way then so I chose against being one. Greeks too, which is kinda how I got here.
My urge to feel safe had a hand in it still, tho I’m telling you now; can’t hide your way out of a tetanus infection once the right girl kisses you wrong. Been there. Hated it. Bloging about it.
I’m done here.